I am sorry, mister Shark …
Hey, psst, kiddo!
Let me tell you something, some real stories from the line of duty! Your instructors have basically no clue what’s going on out here!
These so called tantrums they’ve been chattering about for hours? Never experienced one. Not one time. And I’ve been out here for over 7 years now! That’s utter bullshit. Pay attention to your endurance classes though. You’ll definitely need ‘em out here.
Why? Buddy, the toddlers in the real world are another caliber than the models you train with. First of all, they are easily double the size of our models. And as I’ve just mentioned, they don’t have a fraction of the tantrums they tell you to expect. That means you won’t be thrown against the wall, but beware, they have other ways to torture you, trust me.
The girl I’m living with has perfected the art of sqashing my entire entrails and stirring them, over and over. How, you may ask? First, she puts on two diapers. Yes, that’s right, these things from the leak class! Don’t worry though, they never leak in real life. I suspect it’s because they are thicker and bigger than the ones we had in training, or because she consistently doubles them up, or both, who knows, I’m not a friggin diaper expert.
Anyways, they never leak. My girl here is pretty good at controlling how full it gets. Just enough not to leak, but definitely enough to crush my spine and squash my plushing. Can you see that? I’ve had a body like you once!
Of course, the stirring. Yeah, she just wriggles back and forth. Sits right on you, humps her diaper against you. As I said, they are not like the models you’ve trained with. That diaper is nearly as big as your entire torso, and she’s like triple the weight of our hardest model. You’ll figure out how to deal with that though, don’t worry.
How I survived that? Find the toddlers rhythm and go with it. You can’t change it, if you don’t roll with it, you’re done.
Oh don’t look so shocked, you can incorporate plenty of the lectures from plush bootcamp in your life. Sure, not the hardest ones, but there’s enough stuff that you’ll use, don’t worry. For example, consoling works just as expected. Yeah, you have to find different poses, because as I’ve mentioned, the models they use to train you are pretty inaccurate, but you’ll figure that out. Apart from the position you’re in, the consoling remains the same.
Ok, I gotta go now, don’t let the instructors find out what I’ve told you! I don’t know how they will react when you confront them about their incompetence, but just be sure to let the others know that when they are talking about their so called ‘experiences’ with ‘real toddlers’ they are talking smack!
xD this is one of the stranger things that people have commented on my pictures. But it was fun to read. I’d rather not think about whether I am ‘hurting’ the shark plush with the things that I do to it. It is, after all, a lifeless stuffed toy, no matter what feelings I have towards it.
but hm, yeah it is strange. I’ve probably orgasmed on that shark more often than with real people xD. I’m sorry for being weird like that.